Ring a Ding Ding

I was out in Oxford with Mrs McW and we had been looking (you know, idly looking) at jewellers. Everything is so expensive. For example, even at a mid range high street jewellers you are looking at £1000 + for a teeny little solitaire. I am sure it’s a highly clear, carroted solitaire but it is teeny. Do they not know I have medium sized hands?

Here is a good example.

Now while I’m sure this is a stunning ring for a lot of you girls, I have always felt (and this is very personal I know) that platinum or white gold looks basically like silver, besides which I like gold, and I'm also not fond of solitaires. Which are everywhere.

There was some vague talk of using the gold from my Great Grandmother’s ring melted down and then buying the stones but honestly, neither BF or I were organised enough. I don’t think he wanted to over think the engagement to that extent either.

Also I was horrified when I did some digging to find out the ethical responsibility you take on when you buy newly mined diamonds.

The Kimberley process was set up to attempt to monitor the diamond trade in 2003 after noticing that the international diamond trade might just be fuelling human rights violations in a collection of African nations. Unfortunately, despite wide spread publicity, few retailers can guarantee their diamonds are conflict free. 

You can’t even prove that they ARE certified by the Kimberley Press according to Wikipedia:

“The Kimberley Process has ultimately failed to stem the flow of blood diamonds, leading key proponents such as Global Witness to abandon the scheme.[32] In addition, there is no guarantee that diamonds with a Kimberley Process Certification are in fact conflict free. This is due to the nature of the corrupt government officials in the leading diamond producing countries. It is common for these officials to be bribed with $50 to $100 a day in exchange for paperwork declaring that blood diamonds are Kimberley Process Certified”

Good god. Not only am I Bridechiller, now I am also an ethical bride! I have to be because what I’m reading here is pretty horrifying. ‘Blood Diamond’ was based on something apparently.

So not only do these rings you’re looking at cost about 8 times what they will be when your fella walks out of the shop with them (they’re apparently like a car – remove a wadge when you drive it off the show room) but they are also unethical purchases. What to do? 

Engagement rings were originally like collateral. The Romans would pledge rings to one another. If you were rich enough a ring was like a business pledge. 'I will legally tie myself to your daughter; here is something expensive which you can keep as a deposit until I do'. As an avid reader of Georgette Heyer I can also tell you, women can break off an engagement, men cannot. It's just not done, sir! Would the lady keep the ring if she did break it off? Well, if that ring (never diamond by the way) had been 200 years old and in the family as the heir's pledge ring to his future wife? Maybe not. Would you keep your engagement ring if your fiance jilted you? Heck yes. I can imagine the law suits. You can see why ladies were expected to break it off; you'd hardly keep the ring if you made the decision to end it.

Engagement rings became aped by the middle classes in turn. When diamond mines were discovered in parts of Africa and Asia in the late 19th Century, diamonds became a plentiful stone. The aspiring middle classes were the perfect market to flog the sparkly little gems to, especially when they could be pimped up with a smaller but more expensive sapphire or ruby. It's Frances Gerety, an advertising copywriter, who coined the genius slogan 'Diamonds are Forever' in 1947. The rise in pre-marital sex in the 1940's corresponded to a surge in engagement rings. After all, if a ring is a pledge of marriage, why wouldn't you? Diamonds are a girl's best friend and you should always get that ring before you open your legs.... crude but effective. 

 Do you even need to have a diamond? My best friend T has as beautiful sapphire and diamond vintage art deco ring. Mrs McW herself has a custom made sapphire engagement ring which she wears as a combination engagement and wedding ring. Hatton Gardens, the Jewellery Quarter in Birmingham and the Lanes in Brighton are all excellent places to go second hand ring shopping.

In the end I saw it in a gallery shop where I live and Mrs McW took BF down the very next day and he bought it.

I think this was a relief for us both. We have just cleared off our debt and there we were considering putting it on a credit card. Which is stupid.

Now I have a wonderful, turn of the century ring in gold. 

And the even better thing other than having a beautiful, individual, ethical (so far as I can tell) and vintage ring which BF made sure fitted by taking one of my old rings with him to have it resized? Looking on Ebay to find one exactly the same being sold for a lot more in America. Result.

Thanks to Shanon Rupp for her amazing article here on how unromantic engagement rings are!